Joseph Jarrett

I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was to determine what was okay to put in Mishaps & Mistakes and what was totally unacceptable. Even now, over three months after I released it, these thoughts plague me. Did I say too much? Did I not say enough? Will this person hate me for putting this out in the public’s hands? At the end of the day, I think I did it right. Let’s discuss further, though.

            For those who read Mishaps & Mistakes, you probably remember the intensity that came with Chapter Thirteen, which I titled “The Window Wall.” That alone may trigger the memory of the contents in that chapter. I made the choice not to name the leading antagonist that the chapter centers around. I did that for various reasons. The main reason I left him nameless was because I recognize that he is still a person who deserves some kind of dignity and respect. You may think that I am absolutely insane for that, but I really do believe that keeping his name (fake or real) needed to be concealed. Even though he did awful things to me, I don’t feel it is my place to strip him of that dignity. That just isn’t me. I try to find the good in everything, even the pain and suffering he brought into my life. He took up so much of my headspace, so there was no need to humanize it in my writing with a name. At the end of the day, the moral of the story was still crystal clear.

            My dedication at the front of the book included a disclaimer. I made it known that I changed the names of all the people I talk about in my book. Well, almost everyone. Only my inner circle knows whose name is the real one. It’s a secret I’ll never tell. I love the people in my life, both past and present. I wanted them to be safe from the aftermath that could have followed the release of my book. I would never want someone to be targeted for what I recount of our relationship. Even though I don’t talk to a lot of these people anymore, and some are even blocked on social media, I didn’t want to gamble and risk it. It was safer and kinder to keep real identities hidden. Does it take away from the authenticity of it all? Absolutely not. Everyone loves an alter ego or stage name.

            Part of the reason I felt okay with changing the names was that these people would know almost instantly that it was them I was talking about. You have to remember that I wrote this book solely from my perspective. I cannot attest to what was going on in their minds during all of the events I put out there. If they really had an opinion on it, they could come to me directly and hash it out without the fear of many doing the same. It allows that part to remain personal. It is probably safe to say I let a lot of personal things out, but there were parts I knew I wanted and/or needed to keep between two souls. There are certain things that I really toned down in the final edition because I felt like I gave too much. Some things are meant to stay sacred and private. Those are things that I would never let out. As I was writing this post, I had the words of Kelsea Ballerini’s “Homecoming Queen” playing through my mind. It’s a simply written song with a heavy story at the center of it. The line “What if you let them all in on the lie” resonates so deeply with me in this struggle. It’s a line that got me through the vast majority of the writing process. It gave me the courage to speak up while still being mindful. Kelsea, if you ever read this, thanks for that. Love you long time, Queen!

Here’s the link to the video if you feel inspired to listen!