Joseph Jarrett

Hi, darling kid.

It’s me. It’s you, but way more experienced and heavier set. I just wanted to pop in and let you know that we’re doing pretty darn good. Well, for the most part. We need to have a chat about some stuff, okay? I have a list of things that I have been meaning to run by you but got off track. I needed the time to sit down and get my thoughts together before I did this. I’ve done and felt a lot since I last saw you in the mirror, but don’t you dare think that I have ever forgotten about you. I need to talk to you about things all over the course of time. So, sit down and buckle up. Here we go.

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To five-year-old Joseph – I am probably more jealous of you than any person I’ve encountered in the two decades since I’ve been you. I envy how happy and free you lived. I am so incredibly proud that you were brave enough to love what you loved, and you didn’t take a word from anyone. You played with those Barbie dolls and watched countless hours of America’s Next Top Model with a smile from ear to ear. You belted JoJo’s “Leave (Get Out)” and “Too Little, Too Late” like you were old enough to be heartbroken from a boy on the soccer team. While I live as authentically as I can now, I wish I kept that bravery and that fearless nature. I lost that somewhere along the way. I beg you to hold onto it. Please.

To thirteen-year-old Joseph – Oh, my sweet boy. You went through so much. I know it hurt. It sucked immensely, even for some time after. But you became so strong and resilient because of it. My wish for you is that you understand that the pain you feel is not just a burden. It’s growth and character development. I promise you it will help you on the other side. I do not want you to lose sight of the important things that happen because of the hardships you had to endure. I swear we are so much better today because of it.

To twenty-one-year-old Joseph – My heart has ached for you for such a long time. All of the regrets I have are because of the actions I followed through with when I was you. If I could go back and change things, you would be the person I would change them for. The worst things that could happen to a person happened to you. You eventually prevailed, but only after the sparkle in your eye had been dimmed. I am not sure that we ever really got that sparkle back. There are things I do today because of you. And I cannot say I hate you for it, I really cannot. It’s not fair that everything you stood for was stripped from you at the hands of others. What gave them the right to ruin all of the plans you had? It was not theirs to take, and yet they did anyway. I really do wish you could have become the person you imagined in your dreams. And I am sorry that I could not change courses and get back on that track for you. But I hope that you can forgive yourself for all that hurts. Please, forgive yourself.

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            I really do believe we should be humble enough to acknowledge our past, both the beauty and the darkness of it. I can admit that there are parts of me that horrify me. There are others that I know radiate such a light. Every choice I made, every decision I thought out. Everything culminated into the person I am today. The person writing this post. If we all just slowed down and looked inside, I think we could really see just how poorly operating we all are. And that’s okay. Sometimes, being okay is just what we need to be.