Joseph Jarrett

Well, we have reached the end of Pride Month. Another June in the history books. As each one passes, I always try to take away something new. That could be a changed perspective, a deep dive into queer media I have never seen, or having gone through an experience that I hadn’t before. Last year, I went to my first-ever Pride Parade in Fernandina Beach, Florida. But this year, I did something I haven’t done in any of the Pride Months I’ve been out for. I was quiet.

            Now, I still posted Instagram stories about it and shared TikToks throughout the month of June. But for the first time, I didn’t share my thoughts, feelings, and qualms in a drawn-out Facebook post. I didn’t get into battles with homophobes online in the comments section or direct message threads. I just lived my life and carried on. And it has been my favorite Pride Month yet.

            Maybe it’s controversial, maybe it’s not. It doesn’t change the fact that it was so freeing and peaceful for me. I needed to be selfish for once and just consider my own needs. I simply didn’t have the energy to push and fight as I have in the past. Does that come with getting older, or is it a side effect of working two jobs and going to school full-time? Both are possible. Don’t get me wrong, though. This is not me giving up on being an advocate for the queer community. This is me focusing my energy on people and things that I know will matter. I cannot change a bigot’s mindset, especially these days. Instead, I decided to put it into things that matter to me. My family, my supportive friendships, and my writing.

            When I was in my early twenties, I cared more about quantity than quality. I wanted to make the most memories, with the most amount of people, spend the most amount of money, and so much more. I would call it safe to deem me a wild child. I slept around, I drank excessively, and traveled the world. I did all of the performative things that were equally obnoxious and incredible. I don’t have many regrets. After living like that for so long, I grew tired of that lifestyle. I simply desire peace now. I still love the excitement that comes with traveling, excessive drinking, and all the things that life has to offer. But I now only care about doing it with the people I love. I’ll still post it to Instagram, obviously, but it’s not my priority anymore.

            I can’t generalize and say this is something that happens for all gay men, though. I know plenty of gay men older than me who still live that young, wild, and free lifestyle. For them, it works, and it’s right. The way that I prefer to live and the way they do are both right. Everyone’s story is different, and that was something I didn’t realize until I got older. And I wish others were more accepting of that. Let people live. What they do with their lives has no direct effect on you. If you think it does, you’re just an asshole.

            As I’ve been writing this, I have had the realization that I almost wrote this as if I were in my forties. That grounded me and reminded me that I have so much life to live, and that my mindset and lifestyle will probably change ten more times before I go. That’s the beauty of life. I’m excited to see how I act and what I learn with each Pride Month to come. I wonder what will happen in the scheme of things, and how that’ll change my mindset. Life is crazy, but it sure is beautiful.

            To everyone who celebrates Pride Month, as a queer person or an ally or something in between, cheers to you and cheers to me. We exist every day and deserve to be seen just as much as anyone else. Love wins, and it will always win. *Queues up “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield*