Joseph Jarrett

While moving to a new city and starting over is always so wonderful, people often use it as an excuse to forget the past. I believe that we should honor the past. The person we were before that move or whatever major life event we are stepping into, taking time to reflect on where we have been is so essential to our success.

            With that being said, I wanted to take the time to look back on how I’ve changed. There are so many parts of me that I almost mourned for a while. But there also parts that I look back and smile on, despite knowing that’s not me anymore. If we don’t grow, we will never accomplish everything we are meant to.

            There are many people who mourn their lives prior to the COVID-19 pandemic. I was so young, naïve, and innocent when it all went down. I was newly twenty, I had just become a flight attendant after dropping out of college, and my family sold my childhood home to move to Texas. On top of it all, the world was ending. March 2020 changed the trajectory of everyone’s lives, but I wonder what I would’ve turned out like had it not happened. Truthfully, I don’t really remember myself before then. Everything changed so drastically that it’s like the younger version of me never even existed. How can I mourn what I don’t remember feeling?

            Though my young adult years were stripped away from me by lockdown, I often find myself looking back on my high school self. There’s so much I wish I would’ve done differently. For starters, I would’ve come out sooner and embraced my life a gay man much earlier. I genuinely think I could’ve been ready going into my sophomore year, but society told me no. While I wish I had done, I made my choice not to do it. Maybe it was for the better. I genuinely loved my high school experience, so maybe things panned out the way they were meant. Does it mean I’d ever wanna be that version of me again? Hell no. About the only thing I’m glad I still have a connection to from that era are the relationships I made. I still talk to a lot of closest friends from high school, and it’s wild to see how they’ve grown up. Especially since there are so many days where I feel like I haven’t grown up yet.

            In Mishaps & Mistakes, I mentioned my friend, Lana, early on. Lana is still someone insanely special to me, even though I haven’t seen her since the night of our high school graduation. I find myself thinking about her all the time. We’ve talked in small doses over social media, but I couldn’t actually tell you where she’s at in life. But something I don’t think I ever outgrew was my love for her. Honestly, I think she was one of my first true loves. Her kind soul was, and probably is still, so special. I could accept outgrowing almost every part of my life from then, but I hope and pray I never outgrow my memories of Lana.

            Another major version of myself that I outgrew, for the most part, was the flight attendant variation. A lot of my personality today still carries bits and pieces of who I grew into while flying around the world. Yes, I can still do a safety demonstration and evacuation drill from memory, but those aren’t what I’m alluding to. I don’t think I’d be as bold and confident as I am today if I never worked that job. It helped me grow my social skill set, test my limits, and it made me more open minded than I ever was before. Like all good things in life, though, it had an expiration date. I could tell that I peaked and plateaued in my career long before I resigned in December 2023. I had done everything I was meant to do and was just riding the wave to God only knows where. To this day, I believe I left exactly at the right time. I found myself very sad and lost after leaving, but that was a necessary battle. It is what I used as the momentum to propel me into my next chapter.

            I don’t think nostalgia is only for fun and sentimental purposes. I believe nostalgia is a key character in our growth. By admiring the past, we get a reminder of what we thought was the highest mountain to climb. If we were able to handle that, we can handle whatever is ahead of us. I like to think that growth isn’t linear, nor should it ever be. Time after time, as long as we can prove to ourselves that our best is good enough, we will grow. And that’s insanely beautiful to me. So, what versions of yourself did you outgrow and what did you keep from it? Let me know!