Joseph Jarrett

One facet of growth that everyone absolutely loves to forget about is how lonely a new era can be. In the early stages of the next adventure, all you have time to do is focus on finding your footing and getting your bearings. Once that foundation is laid and you can finally sit back and relish it, you realize you have no one to do it with. And that sucks immensely.

            The loneliness I felt after moving home in 2024 was probably the most intense sensation I’ve ever experienced. Not only did I realize how much of my life revolved around the airline, but I also failed to see that many of my hometown friends had moved away. I was going back to a place that didn’t match me anymore, and I had no one to fall back on for it. Obviously, I had my family, but sometimes a girl just wants to get trashed on a rooftop with their friends.

            To fill my time and get out of my head, I turned to an old trick of mine: my journal. I have kept a journal since high school, mainly as an outlet for my intense emotions and need for documenting memories. However, my journal was about to become my best friend. And for the first quarter of 2024, it was just that. I took my journal everywhere with me. Anatomy class, the beach at sunrise, and even as obscure as the doctor’s office.

            I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: writing is sacred. It is one of the greatest gifts we are given. My journals are literally the storybooks of my life. Well, my life once I developed a conscience, that is. They’re also the source of everything you’ve read in Mishaps & Mistakes. Every boy I talked to, every place I visited. All of it was documented in a little canvas book with a cute print.

            After writing Mishaps & Mistakes, I stepped back from the journaling. I finally had a solid friend group, a full social calendar, and I’ve been trying to keep up on this blog and my social media on a near-daily basis. I no longer needed that comfort space that I developed in so many other places. But in a way, I still use my writing as my outlet. There are things I don’t always want to talk about with my friends, but the topic flows nicely with what I have going on here. It’s all about the balance of it all.

            If I could turn back time, I probably would have started journaling much earlier. I would love to be able to read through those dated pages and be crushed by waves of nostalgia. There are times when I think of people I was friends with in elementary school and I’m so curious about them now. I wonder if they ever think of me, or if they ever wrote about me. I wonder how many times they’ve had that loneliness take over their lives since growing up.

            The thing about loneliness is that it is somehow both extremely personal and universal. Everyone experiences it at some point. We see it in movies, we see it in our own lives, and we can sense it in strangers passing us on the sidewalk. Loneliness is so powerful because you can be in a room full of people and still not have that connection. It’s draining and scary, but it is also so sad. And that is why I turned to writing. If I could get those feelings out and onto the paper, then maybe I’d feel better faster. Sometimes that worked; other times it didn’t. And that’s okay.

            My style of journal writing is very similar to how I write on here. I just unleash everything that comes to mind. I don’t filter or censor it. If I did that, it wouldn’t be honest, and honesty is key. Anytime I go back and read old entries, I can tap into the exact emotions I was feeling in the moment because my words hold them. It can be incredibly validating to go back, remember a time I felt like that in the past, and know that I can survive it again. If I’ve done it once before, I can do it again.

            Sometimes, I’ll write the stupidest entries ever, but it’s still honest. You can be so happy and still feel lonely or trapped. I once wrote an entire spread in my journal about what I thought the soundtrack to my life would be if I were a rom-com character. Maybe one day I’ll share the full list, but just know my opening song is “Breathe” by Michelle Branch. Total rom-com coded banger if you ask me.

            Talking to someone always serves as the best medicine for loneliness, especially if it’s someone you truly connect with. But when you just need a release, turning to the pages of a notebook might just be the thing you need. It never hurts to try. In Michelle’s words, “If I just breathe, let it fill the space between, I’ll know everything is alright.”