Joseph Jarrett

You remember that line from my post on Thursday about how being gay automatically means I’ll be successful? Well, if you don’t, you’re lucky. Today, we are going to break down that sentiment much further. The expectations we gay men are assigned after coming out are both incredibly fun yet very unrealistic in the long run. I cannot always bring the party. I cannot always be perfect.

            We live in a world where everyone’s lives are broadcast material. Instead of idolizing people doing more traditionally inspirational things, we devote our energy to influencers and highlight reels. I’m just as guilty of it as anyone else. And honestly, I’m kind of over it. These platforms have completely diluted the lines between reality and fantasy.

            Now, I follow a ton of gay influencers and couples online. I find them entertaining, which is the main purpose of what they do. The part that they probably didn’t plan for was becoming the standard for what people want in relationships. In this day and age, every little thing feels and looks performative. Love and success are also victims of this culture. I find couples like Griffin & Spencer or PJ & Thomas to be so much fun, but I have never met a single gay man who lives or acts the way they do. Their comments are flooded with people who claim they want what they have, but they aren’t willing to put in the effort to carry it out. They just expect it to fall into their hands.

            These people that we use to compare everything in our lives to do not deserve to be blamed for that, though. I hope that wasn’t their intention, at least. They live in gorgeous homes or apartments, drive nicer cars, wear really trendy outfits, and always have an outlandish trip or event going down. We all dream of living the lush life, but it’s simply not something we can force on other people. It isn’t how life works.

            I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a wish list of the big and exciting things I want in life. The difference between a lot of people and me, that I see online, is that I don’t base it on someone else’s work or experiences. I’m doing it for me. I don’t want these things just to post about them and make people think I have a perfect existence. Again, it’s not how things work. Perfection does not work.

            I have tried so hard to keep up with a lot of the stereotypes and expectations that default to the token gay friend. My closet is full of both trendy and classic styles that’ll rock any paparazzi’s world. I can drink and not get messy. I always show up for everything, no matter how big or small. As much as I love it, I’m so damn exhausted trying to keep up with it all. There have been so many days lately where I want to cancel everything on my calendar, sit in the rattan armchair in my book nook, and do nothing but read and spin a vinyl record. Is that so much to ask for?

            I’m lucky that a lot of my friends and family would never harp on me for being tired, but there are so many people out there who would find a way to be personally offended by it. And don’t try to argue that with me, because I actually have dealt with it. I no longer talk to those people, so I don’t feel right putting those stories on blast right now. Maybe in another book, though (*inserts mischievous laugh*)!

            There’s a lot more that goes into what people expect of the token gay, and that’s kind of wrong in my mind. But what do I know? What are your thoughts? Let me know!